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hey hey hey mr.hangman go get your rope. [Aug. 2nd, 2007|03:28 pm]
[Current Location |bedroom]
[mood |blankblank]
[music |you wont know-brand new]

So it's been FOREVERRR since I've posted last so I decided to post now...
I'm at my mom and summer is some what coming to a close, its been quite eventful consider...Theres been laughs, smiles, tears shed, hurtful words shared, times of both good and bad...
I'm not sure what to think of the summer so far though, I always love coming down here but since I've been working all summer I haven't got to expirence anything so far...It's kind of sad except I went to cedar point for a week with my 2 cousins, 2 sisters, my uncle dave and my grandma that trip was chaotic on its own hahah but quite entertaining...it wasn't panama city thouh : (

But on a happier note my mom is allowing me to get a tattoo for my birthday, so I hope it really comes through and all works out...I'm back to toronto on august 19th yay? Not sure whether my senior year will be totally killer, or a total fun kill...we'll have to wait and see. Right now I'm pretty pale since I haven't gotten a chance to tan since I work all the time, but I've been shopping a lot this summer so I have a bunch of shit to bring back of the boarder haha should be exciting :|

I realized when I'm down here I think a lot more, I over analyze things to such an extent that it just doesnt even seem real...I guess it's weird, that happens when I'm at my dads too but for some reason here its worst...Oh well it happens. 

I haven't seen my sister andrea in a while, it sucks I miss her...but I just hope I get to see her before I go back...We'll see...

Damn. well I'm going to go pick up my cheque and possibly shop. so takecare everyone<33
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(no subject) [Oct. 24th, 2006|04:36 pm]
[mood |contentjust chill.]

Aw well.
So things have been quite chaotic lately, though not with the social life. or friends, or anything like that.
Its been with family, and as much as I hate getting upset at school and shit like monday I just fully broke down, and on sunday night...Its just way too much for me to handle right now..
So Im just trying to take shit easy and make things work as best as they can..
I've decided that Im going to attempt not to shit talk anyone for a while becuase it usually just ends up right back at me with it being way worst then when it starts..I guess I've finally realized how pointless it is...
Wel I dont know Im just looking forward to this weekend, and just relaxxing.
Thursday:Early Let Out.
Saturday: Shopping? + Partying.
Sunday: Just pureee relaxing, and hopefully getting a book from chapters...
Ugh there are so many books I want to read but I'll have to wait. haha

So yeah I have a serious obession with fightclub, its not even healthy <33 haha.

Well hope everyones doing well,

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Our Great Depression Is Our Lives. [Oct. 15th, 2006|12:31 am]
[Current Location |in my dark living room.]
[mood |blankblank]
[music |None]

OKAY so heres the deal, I watched a move aka fightclub...and everytime I watch a movie my mind goes into some weird state of mind...and just kind of blanks out..As it did with fightclub, and when my mind blanks out I write....poems. Because thats what I do, so heres a poem that I wrote.

"One Day, Maybe Tomorrow"

We wake up and realize we've all been living one big lie

Though we don't worry about the reasons why

We look further upon how to increase this lie, and make it more believable

To lie to our loved ones, and fellow friends

To make them believe this lie until the very end

Until the very last minute, when you have your very last breath of air

Then once you finally reveal your true self no one bothers to care

That's because our lives are composed and thought out to be exact

We go on with our lives, living through the books and the facts

We don't bother to take in what are emotions advise us to take in

We worry about our actions, words, movements and sins.

Though no one takes time to wonder why,

Why is the grass green, why is the sky blue…just wonder why?

Why is it that we waste so much time leading fictitious lives in this world of lies?

Why is it that we cant understand those very same feelings that we feel so strongly about?

Why cant we be honest without feeling sympathetic towards ourselves?

Why must we feel badly when telling others our very same feelings?

Why must we use the most inconvienet ways possible to convey our emotions?

Why must me lie through hate and contradict it through devotion?

….Why are we so fake to this world that is so real?

One day none of us will be able to converse, or express ourselves

Now think about that… how does it feel?

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bassiicccalllyyyy [Oct. 9th, 2006|03:40 pm]
[mood |contentchill]

haha yeah so basically..... Im so fucking bad at using this its horriblle....
So yeah like 2 days ago I got called gay, and was told that I act like a child....
and so to that I say "whatevs?". haha
Im just chilling its canadian thanksgiving weekend, and tomorrow is school what a shame....But what ever my weekend was pretty okay? went and hung out at sonjas on friday after our homecoming game we won :)....so yeah then on saturday went downtown with mel and jackie an didnt buy anything which was fun..but not buying shit sucks and around like 5 went over to my cousins house and celebrated thanksgiving with thai food...hahah it was chill....So yeah then on sunday I did nothing but watched v for vendetta...SUCH A GOOD MOVIE! Im not even lying. But yeah So today I just chilled, and tomorrow is so school. How disapointing I have to see sum srsly g@y kidz. really Im not looking forward to it...
So time for some poetry hahaha why do all the asian kids I talk to think im emo its so retarded. HAHAH but yeah alright time for some random shit.

Im glad you've decided to move on with yourself
You were hanging onto something that wasnt even there, I never cared enough
You said you were pure throughout our friendship, but I knew that was a lie
You were so upset by what I said so you told me you were about to cry
You just wanted my sympathy, I can read you like a book
Treating me like shit, then thinking I would want to countinue our friendship...was a chance you shouldnt have took.
Im sorry you may not have understood that at the time, but Im sure you get it now
You said it wasnt a friendship if it couldnt withstand that mess,
But you were all about yourself, you thought you were the one who should be treated best.
Your jealousy took over half way through
You thought you could fuck over some of my friendships by shit talking them....is that really what you thought you were going to do?
Bitching me out after I was the one who would back you up,
Now did you really wish you called me a slut?
Im not the kind of person to forgive so easily,
So hanging up when I was making my apology will be a mistake you'll live with for enternity.
So the final goodbye comes now,
And the day you move on will be a day to remember
Becuase I dont belive a fucking word you say especially when you said that we would be friends forever.

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heyyy [Sep. 24th, 2006|02:03 pm]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |run-snow patrol]

Hey okay so Im really not going to lie...Im trying to use this more..so its a few weeks into school and shits pretty much chaotic already,
So lets start off with the start up week of school...well a week before the first week of school was my birthday on sept 1st, and so we all were going to go to centenial for a party, right?...So yeah ti was supposed to be all good fun and fun times, but of course drama end up going down I got called a stupid bitch and a fucking whore...because I changed the plans..and that was gay, but once 'the drama' left I had a pretty good time :)
So yeah then first week started up found out manitou colours, math first period....= pure gayness, its so hard for me because I just dont understand it all right? But yah its going to totally kill me on the exam.
So skip over those few weeks nothing important happend.
But yeha on the 18th went to manitou had lots of fun with everyone there it was good :) got closer with some kids, and all that shit so yeah....
Well thats all im going to say for now because Im about to fold clothes because im about dying from having a cold/flu thing...

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Woahh [Jul. 18th, 2006|01:46 am]
Okay so this is some what pathetic that I never use my livejournal anymore..I was reading over past entries and they were actually really fuuny,.Though I may not use this lj over the durration of the summer I most likely will begin to use it once school starts up again because this is pretty easy to vent with. Right so yeah,
So its now the 2nd week of summer, or something like that and I've realized I'm pretty fed up with people..its not even people that im around a lot now, its people that I left in canada and I guess its bad when they get on my nerves even when Im not around them every day..Its kind of weird how things work out. But yah I guess things will work out, so canada day was pretty fun though it was long time ago it was still pretty fun me and nev were pretty wasted and watched fire works with sonja,melanie and lacey..then a bit with the grade 9s and then back with those kids..We met some lady on shrooms and she was so happy haha oh jeez...I love hanging out with those kids they're pretty funny, and we were walking down the road to nevenas house and stuff and we were all like THEY SEE ME ROLLLING and all that haha..but yah it was chill
So since I've been down here at my moms, I've realized that I miss allison as much as I hate being around her for too long it gets boring without here down here and stuff..so yah shes coming down on the 22nd so that should be fun..

Okay schedual so far that I know:
Tomorrow (july 17th)-Swimming.
July 22nd -Picking up allison
July 23rd- Family Cookout
July 28th- Florida.
So yah thats all I know so far, it should be fun.

Hope everyone is doing alright, takecare
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(no subject) [May. 11th, 2006|11:51 pm]
[mood |calmcalm]

Okay so Im really afraid...
Of failing science, I dont want to stay here the whole summer...Like I seriously would like to go down to ohio and see my mom + family down there...
Its really going to suck if Im stuck in summer school...
And Im afraid Im going to fall into that on.off depression state that seems to be so common in my family...it just feels like everyone around has been really neggative lately, and I really dont like that,.
I even told Allison that she better start acting more positive or I'll stop talking to her and then she called me a loser. Family bonds are so random. haha

But yeah so current loves:
+The thought of love
+Show:Without a trace.
+Clothes: Capris+wifebeater.tank, dont ask why haha
+Sun glasses as always
+The warm weather coming, and random spring/summer showers.
+Flowers beginning to bloom
+Working :) haha

But yeah some other random stuff that I cant think of at the moment, but yeah takecare folks

Im going to go study for science, and then work on my project. kill me now.
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(no subject) [May. 4th, 2006|08:57 pm]
Its True What They Say, People Never Change.
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BLAH fuck you ucla. [Mar. 24th, 2006|01:41 am]
[mood |bitchybitchy]

Okay so I just watched the Gonazaga and Ucla game.
And I am unbelivabley pissed off right now. No fucking joke I hate UCLA and that bullshit, Gonzaga was in my top two..and its not even that Im pissed that they got knocked off my bracket its just that I liked the team in general and since Adam Morrison is a senior I would have liked to see him play more, but yeah like the whole team in general was my favourite....Ugh but yeah Duke also lost which I was supprised with but I only had them going in the top four..But yeah I still have my top team which is Connecticut. So Im hoping they'll get me some money haha
But yaeh school is fucking shit right now but art is good becasue its easy right
But as of right now I have this to complete:
+Civics Group Project worth 30%
+Civics ISU which is also worth 30% . .Fuck civics its so shit
+Art sketch book
+History chapter questions
+Literacy Test to study for
__Thats pretty much it but all of that shit is due around the same time which sucks fucking ass.
well its around 2am right now and Im still pissed off about the game so I think I'll be going to be takecare everyone
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"The scars remind us that the past is real." [Feb. 25th, 2006|09:46 pm]
[mood |blankblank]

Okay like I just posted an entry but I decided to keep this in a different entry because its completely different.
So I was listening to a song and it reminded me of my oldest sister and it was scars by papa roach...its kind of a coincidence that she said its her favourite song, especially since she said that before she got in the car wreck,"The scars remind us that the past is real"....I always wondered if maybe she purposely pulled off into the next lane maybe she didnt want to stay...maybe she was tired of living the way she does.
Like emotional wise//..So yeah last week my mom called me and told me something about my sister, and it made me feel way more depressed..
Its like you think people have finally changed and are finally okay, and then they go and do the same old shit..
Like having faith in someone and then they destroy every chance of hope you felt for them.,,.I hate it, it makes me wonder why I still think people can change, things were going so well and then it was just fucked over in one day.
Some people never learn, and some people just never change their ways.
Is it the obsessive personality, or the lack of attention.
The misplaced feeling of the good old days, when she felt so numb that it seemed like that emotion was normal?
Or does she just like seeing people worry about her, though that feeling got killed the first few years.
Some people just never change.

But yeah, sorry I had to write becuase holding it in just doesnt help.
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