[

mood

|

just chill.

]

Aw well.
So things have been quite chaotic lately, though not with the social life. or friends, or anything like that.
Its been with family, and as much as I hate getting upset at school and shit like monday I just fully broke down, and on sunday night...Its just way too much for me to handle right now..
So Im just trying to take shit easy and make things work as best as they can..
I've decided that Im going to attempt not to shit talk anyone for a while becuase it usually just ends up right back at me with it being way worst then when it starts..I guess I've finally realized how pointless it is...
Wel I dont know Im just looking forward to this weekend, and just relaxxing.
Thursday:Early Let Out.
Friday:Dance
Saturday: Shopping? + Partying.
Sunday: Just pureee relaxing, and hopefully getting a book from chapters...
Ugh there are so many books I want to read but I'll have to wait. haha

So yeah I have a serious obession with fightclub, its not even healthy <33 haha.

Well hope everyones doing well,
takecare.
__;,Brittany<33

[

mood

|

bitchy

]

So I just got in a argument with my dad of course the fight was over...none other then the usual fight topic getting a job....
See the problem with having my mom and family living in ohio is that it makes me decide what I want more...A job and earning money for lessiurely activities and what ever I need....Or going to visit my mom an family down in ohio.
I made a promise to myself before that I wouldnt put anything or anyone before my family ever again... and I dont plan on going back on that.
And this was basically the conversation
Dad: "Well you need to get a job!" 
Me:"Do you not understand that I cant visit my mom if I get a damn job?" 
Dad:"Yeah well every other kid has a job."
Me:"Well Im sorry if other kids moms dont live in the damn usa."
Dad:"Its not like you always have to visit her."
Me:"Listen if you're trying to make me pick over a job or visiting my family theres not even any chance in hell that I would pick a job."
Dad:"Then until you get a job Im cutting you off of money."

Im seriously so sick of having fights like that, I honest to god know that I need a job. But its kind of hard to maintain a job if I have family that I like visiting, especially if that family is the half that actually cares about me. Unlike the way I feel here with my dads half of the family. Ughh fuck I hate dealing with this shit.
But what ever I feel like reading a book, unfortunately I've read all the books I own...and getting a new book would cost money.
Why does this shit always work out against me.?! uuuuughhhh what ever Im just going to start relaxing.
And hopefully stop being so hateful, becuase lately thats all I've been feeling is hateful...not really sure why.
But hope you all hada good weekend.

takecare,
__;,Brittany<3

[	Current Location	|	in my dark living room.	]
[	mood	|	blank	]
[	music	|	None	]

OKAY so heres the deal, I watched a move aka fightclub...and everytime I watch a movie my mind goes into some weird state of mind...and just kind of blanks out..As it did with fightclub, and when my mind blanks out I write....poems. Because thats what I do, so heres a poem that I wrote.


"One Day, Maybe Tomorrow"

We wake up and realize we've all been living one big lie

Though we don't worry about the reasons why

We look further upon how to increase this lie, and make it more believable

To lie to our loved ones, and fellow friends

To make them believe this lie until the very end

Until the very last minute, when you have your very last breath of air

Then once you finally reveal your true self no one bothers to care

That's because our lives are composed and thought out to be exact

We go on with our lives, living through the books and the facts

We don't bother to take in what are emotions advise us to take in

We worry about our actions, words, movements and sins.

Though no one takes time to wonder why,

Why is the grass green, why is the sky blue…just wonder why?

Why is it that we waste so much time leading fictitious lives in this world of lies?

Why is it that we cant understand those very same feelings that we feel so strongly about?

Why cant we be honest without feeling sympathetic towards ourselves?

Why must we feel badly when telling others our very same feelings?

Why must we use the most inconvienet ways possible to convey our emotions?

Why must me lie through hate and contradict it through devotion?

….Why are we so fake to this world that is so real?

One day none of us will be able to converse, or express ourselves

Now think about that… how does it feel?